The Avoidant Ex Monika Szfoni

Love-Bombed & Ghosted: How My Narcissistic Avoidant Ex Played Me Like a Fool.

The Story

I dated this girl for almost a year my first long-distance relationship. She lived in the UK, and I was new to the whole distance thing, but at first, it felt amazing. We talked every day, shared everything online, and after a few weeks, she flew to Paris to meet me for three days. It was intense. She love-bombed me with so much affection, so much attention and of course, I fell hard. I knew I was in trouble from the start.

The Slow Unraveling

The first few months were perfect. Fast replies, deep conversations, constant calls. But once the honeymoon phase ended, she started pulling away. Messages became slower. She rarely initiated calls. I was the only one keeping us alive. Then came the first breakup a sudden "I can't do this" text out of nowhere. She came back hours later like nothing happened. That's when I realized something was wrong. I started researching and discovered avoidant attachment. Suddenly, everything made sense:

• She couldn't handle emotional intimacy
• Any conflict made her shut down completely
• Every serious conversation ended with her threatening to leave

I hate her for this: in every argument, in every moment we needed to connect deeper, she only ever chose one option break up. Like a broken record. No working through it, no compromise just the nuclear button, over and over. Her moods swung violently affectionate at breakfast, cold by lunchtime. I was constantly walking on eggshells, terrified that one wrong word would make her detonate. How do you build a future with someone who refuses to stay through the hard parts?

The Cycle of Breakups

Seven breakups. Seven fucking times...

And every single time, I begged. Like a desperate fool, I crawled back, pleading for another chance, swearing we could fix it. I gave her everything my heart, my trust, my goddamn future and she treated it like a joke. I had plans. Real ones. Trips, a home, a life built together. I saw it all so clearly. But to her? I was just a placeholder. A temporary distraction until something better came along. Now she's out there playing the victim? Telling everyone I was the problem? After all the lies, the mind games, the way she made me feel like I was begging for scraps of affection? Here’s the cruel truth: I was the only one trying.

While I was:

• Researching how to love an avoidant partner
• Going to therapy to "fix" myself
• Swallowing every hurtful comment

She was:

• Running every time things got real
• Using me for attention when it suited her
• Discarding me like trash the second she got bored

The Final Betrayal

The last discard was the cruelest: "I never loved you. I was just pretending." Then she:

• Blocked me everywhere within minutes
• Told everyone I was the toxic one
• Was probably already lining up her next distraction

The Aftermath

• ✅ Already moved on to someone new (probably)
• ✅ Painting me as the villain to everyone
• ✅ Never taking accountability for the damage she caused

What I Know Now

• Love shouldn't leave you lonely
• Their trauma isn’t your responsibility. You can’t fix someone who won’t face themselves.
• When someone shows you who they are, believe them. Her actions spoke louder than all her empty words.

She was right about one thing: we were strangers. Because the person I loved never really existed. That perfect girl from the first few months? Just a mirror she held up to reflect what I wanted to see. Now? I’m picking up the pieces. Learning to trust again. And most importantly, learning to choose myself first.

Receipts That Still Haunt Me

To anyone reading this: If you're loving someone who makes you feel alone, remember you deserve someone who stays.